I could see for miles, miles, miles

Allting bara flödar ur mig - Jag bara flödar ur mig. Ändå verkar jag inte kunna sätta ord på nånting av det. Vi kan börja så här; Jag är enkel, enklare än jag trott. Det är förvirrande. Jag är förvirrad i allt jag gör, allt jag är, allt som blir och inte blir. Allt jag aldrig förstod, som bara gick över och försvann. Hur kan man känna något som inte finns? Eller hur kan man bara plötsligt sluta känna något som finns? Jag funderar på vad som egentligen är det sanna altenativet, och kommer fram till en sak. Jag är förvirrad. Och att det är bland det bästa jag vet.

and at once I knew I was not magnificent

Jag sitter i min nya lägenhet, ensam, med kvällsolen. Livet blir så mycket vackrare med bländade ögon. Lycka i form av ljusets hastighet.

Who goes in and then stays inside?

Jag vet inte var jag försvann i det hela. Men jag har mina aningar. Du var där när jag försvann, du var inte där när jag återvände. Egentligen kan jag inte lägga det hos dig. Egentligen ligger det i tiden. Eller i mig kanske/troligen. Men även i tiden, som jag valde att spendera annorlunda. Och vad jag än gör verkar den tiden vuxit in i mig, jag kan inte tvätta bort den. Det är inte du som fastnat där inne. Utan det är det nya tomrummet, det som aldrig riktigt fanns där innan. Det ständiga sökandet. Det som får mig att tappa mig själv, min kreativitet och frihet. -Hur kastar man bort ett tomrum? Jag saknar att kunna se på mig själv med stängda ögon.

There's an empty space inside my heart

School is over, everything is over. And north-western Japan is dying. It breaks my heart.

white skies

There is something more in my life than the future that has gotten brighter

And spaceboy they'll kill me

It's up to you you know. The things you want to hold.

We went to the outside of Kyoto to go strawberry hunting. They were HUGE and tasted wonderful. And the greenhouse was so hot that we had to take our outwears of. It felt so much like summer. Although we failed our mission to steal some strawberries with us. Got a bit paranoid (as if it was a huge crime haha) and backed out the last minute. So no more strawberries for me. Well, until I get back home to Sweden of course, where strawberries are like half (or less) the price they are here. It's almost crazy how expensive they are here, I could buy 2 secondhand dresses for the same price I get 8 strawberries for. Guess what I choose.

You can never ever leave without leaving a peace of youth

The school's rooftop

When I was a little girl I always listened to Smashing pumpkins. I had totally forgot about them. It feels strange to listen to music you haven't heard in years, nostalgic. I don't even really listen to the genre anymore, still I can't help but to like them. Their sound is printed in my head.
The years burn.

Japanese festival

Att leva i japan. Obeskrivligt på så många nivåer. En hatkärlek.

Xavier's on the border of the sun

(If the weather is not just teasing us) Spring is on its way! It's about 10 degrees every day now and I walk around in my new jeans spring jacket. And it is making me come to life again. I can't live during winter, I just simply die. Now I've cleaned my room for the first time in ages, bought new spring clothes and want to feel that life is beautiful again.

I call to say I'm on my way

Skolan slutar om snart en månad, tiden går så fort.

I guess I couldn't live without the things that made my life what it is

Jag antar att det bara är svårt att nöja sig med att förstå men inte känna.

Jag vet inte var jag är om 2 månader.

You're lucky if your memories remains

My room was already small when I came here, but I seem to be making it smaller and smaller.

There is something wrong with my head. My whole life it seems to have been sorting out all kinds of information, all kinds of memories, without even asking me first.
I seem to have got it from my father, who is exactly the same. We just don't remember stuff.
My oldest friend keeps on telling me the stories of our lives. Stories that are completely new to me. Crazy stories, extremely interesting stories, that I want to remember. I just don't.
So I have realized that I need to write down my life, day by day.
So far I am on my second diary.

And in my thoughts I have bled

Aint that something

I bought a minimini digital camera. It was only about 170kr and can be put on my keychain. Way more convenient than carrying around a big system camera. (Which is exactly what I don't do - I never have any pictures to post)
So now I'm going in to the kitchen to celebrate by making some food. Sure the quality of the picture sucks of course, but he's my baby and now he will help me taking pictures of whatever I want whenever I want.

flowers in december

Midtermtests burning

The last weeks have been a long break and Kyoto turned cold. It even snows sometimes. My life froze for quite a while. Now things are starting to get back to normal, things are happening again, school, people have come back from their homecountries. I still feel a bit frozen though.
And I don't know if spring with its warmth will unfreeze me or if there is something way deeper than climate keeping me down.

The last 2 trips, to IKEA Osaka and schooltrip to who knows where. Ikea was heaven turned into a large building and the other (who knows where) place was really beautiful. Of course we behaved like alcoholics and started our party for the evening right there haha. But of course my camera went out of battery right when we got to the place. It was beautiful though.